Please Like Me…I Have Pictures of Cats

I spent Labor Day hanging out at the park with people from my church, eating hummus and playing games. (yeah, no, I didn't play the games but Rhett did!) While I was there my awesome plus friend Abbie came with her family. I really like her kids for loads of reasons...just check her blog and look at how cute they are. However, sometimes Abbie's kids, Eli and Audrey forget how much they like me! Because of my obsessive need to have people and or kids like me I started laying on all the compliments I could think of. When that didn't work I tried giving them things to play with and when that didn't work I knew I had to pull out the big guns! "Hey guys, want to see pictures of my kitties?"

They were hooked. All I had to do was reel them in with awesome phone pictures. As I started the kitten show I couldn't believe how many dumb pictures of Whicket and Kelly Clarkson I actually had on my phone. It was ridiculous and embarrassing. I mean Eli and Audrey had no idea how pathetic it was so that's good, but inside I felt my inner cat lady creeping closer to the surface. All I need is to stop washing my hair and get a big cane that I can shake in the air when little hoodlums get to close to my yard.

Now...BEHOLD... The Cats! In ALL their glory!

(This isn't even all the pictures that were on my phone.) *Sigh* at least I will save on shampoo.

I Am Bruce Lee

One late night back in Arizona I was on the way to the gym and as I stepped out of my house and shut the door I heard something around the corner. I froze in thought. "Was it my husband coming home from his meeting early? Was it my friend Tara who was supposed to meet me at the gym? Was it a guy wearing a hockey mask wielding an ax?"

My imagination always leans closer towards someone planning my demise. But I tried to push the thought from my mind as I fumbled with my keys to lock the front door. As I cut myself off from personal sanctuary scarier scenarios plaid through my mind and as I stood in the dark listening I continued to hear something around the corner waiting. I started to panic and decided I had to do something. My "something" was the worst "something" ever used to ward off an attacker.

I started hopping... I hopped as high as I could while lifting my arms up and down above my head with fingers jazzed. I also yelled "Hiya, Hiya, Hiya," over and over again. As I jumped diagonally across my lawn like this I came face to face with the blood thirsty attacker who scared the dignity out of me.

It was my neighbor walking his dog. He just stood there staring at me while his dog barked and ran in circles out of control. All I could do was apologize and run to my car and never look back.

Now I live in New York and it occurs to me that this defense tactic didn't work then and it probably won't work now where I might actually need it. Who wants to take karate lessons with me?